I'm watching Disney's 60th celebration when Kermit THE Frog comes on to sing "Rainbow Connection", and I find the tears I thought would stay away today. I've been crying for days. Every little thing is reminding me of mom. In her last days, I played this song at her bedside on repeat. It made her relax, and something about it made me relax too. She was slipping away and I was grasping for anything and everything that would bring her back just a little bit.
This month has been difficult all month long. It's six months since she passed. I thought of her on Valentine's, she was always our Valentine growing up. She would buy us little heart candies, and cards, and flowers. She was such a sweet momma. And I think the biggest mountain for me to climb is her birthday in a few days, and then mine. My first birthday without her. It's birthday week. We always celebrated together. I wish we had more birthdays together. I wish we had more valentines to send. I wish we had more songs to sing.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Six months gone...
February is birthday month. I have weird feelings about it this year. How strange will it be to get to mom's birthday, and mine two days later without her being here?
Today marks six months since she left us. Today we're sitting in the middle of a blizzard. She died during the sweltering heat of August. She would have liked to see all the snow. The piles of snow are watering the sleeping bulbs we gave away at her memorial. I'm so looking forward to spring, to see mom's flowers return and bloom.
I had a dream with her last night. She came to listen to me gripe. She listened to all my complaints, and egged me on with the good bits, and tried to make me see the other side of things too. She was always good like that. The best person to talk to about anything and everything.
At the end of my dream, I broke down crying and asked her to please not leave. I told her it's been six months today but feels like a hundred years. I told her, it's birthday month, we need to celebrate. Please don't go again. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on my head, and I woke up with tears running out the sides of my eyes.
Today marks six months since she left us. Today we're sitting in the middle of a blizzard. She died during the sweltering heat of August. She would have liked to see all the snow. The piles of snow are watering the sleeping bulbs we gave away at her memorial. I'm so looking forward to spring, to see mom's flowers return and bloom.
I had a dream with her last night. She came to listen to me gripe. She listened to all my complaints, and egged me on with the good bits, and tried to make me see the other side of things too. She was always good like that. The best person to talk to about anything and everything.
At the end of my dream, I broke down crying and asked her to please not leave. I told her it's been six months today but feels like a hundred years. I told her, it's birthday month, we need to celebrate. Please don't go again. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on my head, and I woke up with tears running out the sides of my eyes.
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