It's December 23rd, and I couldn't feel less in the spirit of Christmas if I tried.
I think last year I must have still just been in a shock. Trying to keep up the "it's okay, we're okay, we're having Christmas because that's what Momma would have wanted." idea.
But this year? I'm empty of Christmas cheer. I don't want to bake a single cookie. I don't want the tree up. I don't want to listen to the music. I don't care about presents under the tree. I've given out all the goodwill I can. This year, I just want my mom. That's all I want. Just one more hug. One more laugh together. One more meal together. I miss her so much. And this year I feel it more than I did last year.
And I know I'm not the only one. I lost my Grandpa this month, and our whole family will be spending their first Christmas without him here to do all the things he's always done. My mom's family still miss her and all the things she brought to the family gatherings. It's all so different, and that's always hard to get used to.
I mentioned to Steve I have felt like 2016 has been the loneliest year of my life. I've been surrounded by family, and caring friends. 2016 has been really an incredible year in so many areas.......such amazing things have happened for our family. But she missed them all. She wasn't here for any of them.
My sister and I will get together and try to make some new memories and hold on to our family traditions. But, this year we might
Friday, December 23, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
My Grandpa passed away on Saturday December 3, 2016.
He was a mighty huge part of my upbringing, and I know how fortunate I was to have him in my life for so many years.
His obituary tells the basic story of his life. He was a minister, and United States Army Veteran. He was a devoted and loving husband to my Grandma for 62 years. And he had 6 children, 15 grandchildren, and 11 great-grandchildren. All of these things make up his legacy.
But, the obituary doesn't tell the story of who he was to me. To me, he was a giant. He was the most kind, genuine, loving person I have ever known. I never heard him speak an unkind word about another person. Even when he would get frustrated about a situation, he wasn't unkind about it. He wasn't a scholar, but he was wise. He wasn't wealthy, but he had "riches that many folks don't have." He never went to college, but he taught me more lessons than I can count.
My Grandpa woke up every morning and read his bible. He would watch the birds and squirrels out his window and he would pray. Mornings with Grandpa were some of my favorite memories. I wasn't an early riser, but when I spent the night at their house I was always okay to wake up just a little bit earlier than my siblings or cousins to get in on that special time. He would explain to me what he had read, or told me stories of when he was a child on a farm. If we were at our place at the lake, we would spend the chilly early mornings outside. I would gather sticks while he built a fire for us to cook breakfast outside. He would sing to the mockingbirds, and we would collect funny shaped rocks.
Christmas with Grandpa was always an exceptionally special time. He loved having his entire family around to read the Christmas story. I would try to find my way to his lap, or tucked beside him when I got too big for his lap. He voice boomed when he read. His bible was passed around and each family member would take a verse. He would tell the little ones to "speak up", encouraging us all to be confident in our voice.
My parents had to figure out the whole parenting thing - but Grandma and Grandpa had already perfected it. So when we came along, they were a second set of parents. Experienced parents...who got to spoil us. They didn't shower us with gifts, they showered us with love and undivided attention. Any family vacation we went on, we would go with them. They took me on several trips to Missouri, Arkansas, and Texas. Plus plenty of trips to see different parts of Oklahoma.
He was a mighty huge part of my upbringing, and I know how fortunate I was to have him in my life for so many years.
His obituary tells the basic story of his life. He was a minister, and United States Army Veteran. He was a devoted and loving husband to my Grandma for 62 years. And he had 6 children, 15 grandchildren, and 11 great-grandchildren. All of these things make up his legacy.
But, the obituary doesn't tell the story of who he was to me. To me, he was a giant. He was the most kind, genuine, loving person I have ever known. I never heard him speak an unkind word about another person. Even when he would get frustrated about a situation, he wasn't unkind about it. He wasn't a scholar, but he was wise. He wasn't wealthy, but he had "riches that many folks don't have." He never went to college, but he taught me more lessons than I can count.
My Grandpa woke up every morning and read his bible. He would watch the birds and squirrels out his window and he would pray. Mornings with Grandpa were some of my favorite memories. I wasn't an early riser, but when I spent the night at their house I was always okay to wake up just a little bit earlier than my siblings or cousins to get in on that special time. He would explain to me what he had read, or told me stories of when he was a child on a farm. If we were at our place at the lake, we would spend the chilly early mornings outside. I would gather sticks while he built a fire for us to cook breakfast outside. He would sing to the mockingbirds, and we would collect funny shaped rocks.
Christmas with Grandpa was always an exceptionally special time. He loved having his entire family around to read the Christmas story. I would try to find my way to his lap, or tucked beside him when I got too big for his lap. He voice boomed when he read. His bible was passed around and each family member would take a verse. He would tell the little ones to "speak up", encouraging us all to be confident in our voice.
My parents had to figure out the whole parenting thing - but Grandma and Grandpa had already perfected it. So when we came along, they were a second set of parents. Experienced parents...who got to spoil us. They didn't shower us with gifts, they showered us with love and undivided attention. Any family vacation we went on, we would go with them. They took me on several trips to Missouri, Arkansas, and Texas. Plus plenty of trips to see different parts of Oklahoma.
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