Away I go....

I'm sitting down to eat at before my flight.  My plan is to fill up on good food before getting on an airplane for 9 hours and not wanting to eat anything.

Max had therapy and school today, and of course I waited until today to pack.  I am not afraid of flying, but ugh do I ever get anxious leading up to a flight...especially for such a big trip as this is.

Steve did a good job of talking me down most of the day and when he said goodbye to me at security I couldn't turn around for fear that a day full of pent up emotion would come spilling out of my eyes.

I think the part that has me so anxious is this is the first solo trip I have ever made.  Like in my whoooole life.  I've always traveled with someone, or met up halfway with someone, or had a friend or family member meeting me at the receiving end.  This time it's just me.  

Now I'm people watching.  Mostly the baggage handlers out the window as the sun sets over Denver.  The next time I serve sunlight will be in London.

I finished eating and am now waiting to board my flight.  Steve posted this photo of me heading to security on his Facebook. I'm braver than I think I am. Away I go....

Finished...

Since I wrote the last post, I've been working on my crochet project every evening.  I got a good deal done about a week ago...only to find I was about five stitches short towards the middle and ended up unraveling it.

This left a huge mess of yarn I had to ball back up, much to my frustration.  It took me all afternoon, but once I was back at the start I went slower and made better progress going forward.

 I still don't know how she got her stitches looser than mine were.  I'll keep practicing that tension on my next project.

Tonight, I finished it!  But what was it?

I love the little ribbon marking where Momma stopped the project and I picked it up. 

I got out Grandma's button jar for inspiration.  It always brings me creative inspiration.  Look at all those lovely jewels.  I love buttons. 

Yes....a few buttons is what it needed.  Along with the teal yarn I used to make my long single chain while Momma was in hospice. 

 And this is what I ended up with....Taaaaa-Daaaaaaaaa!

Here's how it works out.  Don't mind my "concentrating faces", Abbey helped me with the pictures and I didn't have a mirror in front of me.

I liked making it.  I thought of Momma so often through the whole project.  I would talk out loud to her..."What am I doing wrong here?"...and yes, I would hear her answer.  Sure it wasn't actually her, but how I thought she would answer me.  Either way it was comforting to be doing this project. 

It's a heavy and warm scarf-thing.  And will work out perfectly for our cold days coming up.  I know this, she would not have made it into this as a final project.  She would have loved it, but it wouldn't have been where she went with it.  And I love that about it, a little of me, and a little of her. 

Holding on too tight...

Momma left many unfinished crafty projects in her house when she passed away in August.

There were only a few unfinished crochet projects.  She tried all through my childhood to teach me how to do it right..."you're holding the slack too tight"..."just one loop, not two"...and it just never clicked with me.  So as she would make her countless projects over my life I would sit beside her and make one long chain with my hook and yarn.  She could spin out blankets, and doilies and hats and scarves, and I would sit with my long chain 'crocheting with momma'.  I would let it all out and start again with her next project.

Before she lost the use of her right hand, she was working on a blanket for me.  She was still in Oklahoma, and would show me her progress over video chat.  I bought a beautiful teal yarn and started my long chain and would show her along the way.

"You're still holding the yarn too tight, I'll show you when I get there."

Life was full of just being together when she got here.  I wanted to visit with her, and make her all of her favorite foods and hold her hand.  I didn't bring out the crochet until she needed to go to the hospice center the first time.  That was two weeks before she passed away.

The nurses would come in and ask me what I was working on and I would say, "I'm just making a chain.  I never learned how to connect it."  And Momma would open her eyes and say, "I'll show you how."

In the weeks that followed, I would sit by her bed and continue my chain.  She never did show me how to start another row.  And the chain sits unfinished...or finished...I haven't decided yet.

When we went to clear out the last of her things from her house, I came home with the yarn and needles and hooks.  Since she taught Abbey how to knit and that was something they shared together, Abbey got those projects.  But the few projects that are crochet are mine.

This evening I sat down with a few rows she had started and studied it.  I tied a ribbon - a bookmark from one of her books - to mark where she ended and where I would start.  This way if I had to let it out I wouldn't let out what she had done.

George sat close as I started.  

The first row was messy, but I soon got the idea.  Down, loop, through one, through two.  And as I started to make progress I thought of her and of course missed her telling me if I was doing it right, or wrong. 

I don't know what she had in mind for it, but I'm thinking some kind of scarf.  Or it will be the world's skinniest blanket.  

I tried a few times and had to let it out a few times, but I think I may be getting the hang of it.  It is not going to look as perfect as she could have done it, but I will finish it.  And whatever it becomes, I will treasure it.