It's December 23rd, and I couldn't feel less in the spirit of Christmas if I tried.

I think last year I must have still just been in a shock.  Trying to keep up the "it's okay, we're okay, we're having Christmas because that's what Momma would have wanted." idea.

But this year?  I'm empty of Christmas cheer.  I don't want to bake a single cookie.  I don't want the tree up.  I don't want to listen to the music.  I don't care about presents under the tree.  I've given out all the goodwill I can.  This year, I just want my mom.  That's all I want.  Just one more hug.  One more laugh together.  One more meal together.  I miss her so much.  And this year I feel it more than I did last year.

And I know I'm not the only one.  I lost my Grandpa this month, and our whole family will be spending their first Christmas without him here to do all the things he's always done. My mom's family still miss her and all the things she brought to the family gatherings. It's all so different, and that's always hard to get used to.

I mentioned to Steve I have felt like 2016 has been the loneliest year of my life.  I've been surrounded by family, and caring friends.  2016 has been really an incredible year in so many areas.......such amazing things have happened for our family.   But she missed them all.  She wasn't here for any of them.

My sister and I will get together and try to make some new memories and hold on to our family traditions.  But, this year we might