Shine Walk...

When Mom was first diagnosed with Triple Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, one of the first websites I visited was Cancer Research UK.   When I googled triple negative breast cancer, it was one of the first pages that popped up. I sent the link to mom, and that started our constant research into finding a cure and support for her through her two and a half year journey.

Through every surgery, and treatment, we always found information on their website.  I liked that it gave the information I was looking for without telling me to contact my doctor to explain it all. Because I wasn't there to go to doctors appointments with Mom, and when I was awake and upset about my mom having cancer at 3:00am, I just wanted someone to answer my questions.

I followed the webpage through all of the changes in her cancer, and sat in her hospice room a day before she passed away with my computer open to their page on what to expect in the final days.

In July I had showed Mom their website that showed they were having a moonlight half and full marathon in London in September. She told me I should do it, but next year because she would still be here in September. She passed away on August 2nd, and shortly after, Steve encouraged me to go to London to do the walk in Mom's memory.

I set up a fundraiser page and raised £540.00 for Cancer Research UK.  I started training and my dear friend Rachel signed up to do the walk with me.  We had planned on having a nap before walking, but ended up not having time for that, so we did what any mom does and just sucked it up and went on with it tired.

 We got to the start and attached our race numbers and glow sticks to ourselves to "light up the night."

Here we are, excited to start!

Rachel is a speech therapist working with patients with head and neck cancers, so was walking for them along with friends who have been affected by cancer, including my mom.  Mom came over for a visit once with us to stay with Sam and Rachel.  She was there for her 50th birthday, and had such a great time.  It meant so much to me that Rachel came down for this walk with me.  

I made this sign for Mom.

But when I got there I realized she wasn't the only one I was walking in memory and honor of. Cancer has touched so many in our family, and my friends' lives too.  My Grandmama died of lung cancer.  My great-grandparents had different types of cancers, and great aunts and uncles too.  I was walking for all of them.  And I was walking for myself.  Because I don't want the curse of cancer in my family to touch our generation.  I want a cure so no one else dies from this terrible disease.  

We got to the starting line for our group and did some warming up.  

Here I am bright eyed and excited to get going!

And the start time...that's 8:35pm for the non-24 hour clock followers.

It was slow starting out of the park, but once we got going we were able to find our stride and got to the business of walking, sight seeing, and doing what we do best - catching up in person after a couple of years apart! 

We passed this pub early on...TAKE COURAGE. 

The walk had us going through parts of London I had never seen before, like the Tower Bridge and the Tower of London.

Tower Bridge

Rachel on Tower Bridge with the Tower in the background.

Me on Tower Bridge and my head perfectly covering Tower of London!

People have a love/hate relationship with this building, called The Shard.  I think it's neat.  And it was everywhere we turned all night long!

The Tower of London with the moon brightly shining above. 

Our first pitstop, St. Paul's Cathedral. 

Outisde #10 Downing Street...that poor guy inside had to actually work instead of posing for photos.

My first glimpse this trip.  It always makes me smile.  Always, always.

See?

So much of this...walking and walking and walking. 

 We walked along the river Thames for a good stretch.  It is difficult to see, but this is alongside the Battersea Power Station.  I posed for this picture.

Because of this picture.  My favorite of Jack Vettriano's paintings, also set in front of the power station.

A view of the London Eye all lit up.  

Mile 12....oh this was a tiring mile.  Probably the most difficult energy wise, and just feeling downright tired of walking.  I took this picture, and then saw this photo and had a hard time not crying...but I told myself no crying on the walk.  I only teared up a few times.  Rachel helped me by talking with me to not let me get too deep in thought. 

I will never forget.  

Shakespeare's globe

And so nearly there!  We were both so ready to be done walking by now!

At the end there was this sign. We had done it! 

And there we are.  Done and done! I did it!!!  I've never on purpose walked that long continuously!  We finished at 1:45am!

I got a medal to prove it!

Rachel and I stopped to get a warm drink and sit for a while to let it sink in what we had just done. Oh...and to eat chocolate.

I took my backpack off and saw Momma's smiling face looking at me.  And then...then I let myself cry.  I laid my head down and stretched, and cried.  I did it for her, and I missed her so much.  It is exactly the sort of thing I would tell her about first, because she would have been one of the most proud and would insist that I text her no matter the time day or night. 

Just look at us!  Happy friends, together for each other in all of life's experiences.  Proud of each other for overcoming our own set of challenges getting there.

Once we finished we got a taxi back to the hotel...because let's be real there was no way we were walking and the tube was closed.  As we were getting out of the car, we saw the marathoners not yet halfway done.  At the beginning of our walk, I said to Rachel, maybe I'll do the marathon next year.  Seeing the marathoners after our half marathon I changed my mind. The last of the marathon walkers finished at noon the next day.  

We got back to the hotel and took turns showering and getting ready in the mini-hotel and Rachel promptly fell asleep...but I was feeling jet-lag in earnest so I was up for a couple more hours.  So, I stayed awake a while talking to Steve on chat.  And also really thinking about what I had just done. And knowing just how cool Mom would have thought it was.  And it was so, so, so cool and I'm so happy I did it. 

First days in London...

When I last wrote, I was boarding a plane to London.  I didn't post while I was there because I couldn't get my photos to add correctly from my phone.   When I got home, I was ready to update on my wonderful trip, but woke up the next morning feeling really terrible.  Steve was headed out of town so I napped hoping it would pass before he left.  Instead, I started feeling worse.  We had to double up on nursing duty for Max and Abbey stayed home from school to help.  The next morning when my fever was 103.5, I drove myself to the doctor to see if it was strep, justavirus, or flu.  It was in fact the flu, confirmed by them sticking a long q-tip up my nose and testing.  That knocked me down for a week.  I'm finally feeling better, but still tired.

So, here we are....time for an update on my trip! Grab a cuppa...it's going to be long!

When I arrived in London, I had to get my phone hooked up to work over there.  Steve gave me specific instructions of where to get the sim card, how to insert it, what to pay, etc.  Only the place he told me to get it was gone.  So, I spent far more time handling that at the airport than I wanted. But, since I needed that so I could find my hotel on maps I took a deep breath and asked around until I got it figured out.  I finally got it sorted and my train ticket bought and sat down for the relaxing ride in to London.

Steve booked my hotel in the Victoria area, in fact across the road from Victoria station...one of the busiest train stations in London.  He loves it.  He loves the hustle and bustle.  And I was utterly overwhelmed.  I just looked up and hoped the signs were clear enough to get out of there and on the street.  Then I could find my bearings.

I followed the stairs outside and started following my map to the hotel. I should say I am the world's worst navigator. Even with google maps leading the way, I got turned around a couple of times and a pigeon flew right into my face while I was paying attention to my phone and not the flying rat charging me.  I gave the men at the pub a show with flailing arms and a trip to the ground when that happened.  Not very dignified, but I was exhausted from my long flight and just really, really wanted to get to my hotel!

I finally got to the hotel and checked in.  Again, chosen by Steve as it's somewhere he's stayed before. It's right up his ally.  It was the smallest hotel room I've ever been in!  It's as if Ikea made a hotel to show just how small they could make a room and it still be functional.  That said, it was a very nice hotel. It was clean, and close to the station and quiet.  I reminded myself it was only for sleeping - so my plan was to get out and enjoy what I was there for....LONDON!

The bathroom from the door of the room.  The wall of the shower is the foot of the bed. 

My first stop was to find Notting Hill and the Portabello Market.  I've never been to either area and it is only really busy on the weekends.  The area of Notting Hill was very colorful, and eclectic.  It felt more like I was walking around San Francisco than in London.  They were just starting to close down the markets and I was so tired, so I wandered just a bit and headed to find food before getting back to my hotel. 

A purple door complete with Victorian door knocker.

Colorful houses in Notting Hill.

Now I can say I've been there!

More colorful houses. 

I wandered my way to a tube station to get back by my hotel and found I knew where I was.  I stopped in the Whole Foods in Kensington to get some food and drinks...and chocolate to fuel my journey back to the hotel and get ready for meeting up with my friends the next morning. 

Saturday morning I woke up and got ready for a visit to Buckingham Palace with my friends and their daughters.  One of these daughters happens to be my god-daughter whom I hadn't met yet! We saw the beginning of the changing of the guard from inside the palace walls, something I had never seen before.   

The palace itself was.........a palace.  Not to sound so unimpressed, but it is just a palace.  Unrealistic living quarters for anyone.  Who needs that many rooms?!  But, there were some neat bits.  We weren't allowed any photography.  If we were, I would have been able to show you the ripped fabric on a chair in the throne room, the dust on the velvet wallpaper, the hidden door the workers went in and out of, and the tea stain on one of the chairs in the picture gallery...I guess you're meant to look at the paintings and not the furniture. But because these are the types of things I pay attention to in palaces, I really wished I could take photos of them.  Seriously, every country I've visited I've been to a palace and my eyes gravitate toward what makes them like me.  I've got dust, and ripped furniture and coffee stains.  I do not have a hidden door though.  I could do with one of those.   

All kidding aside, there were some bits I really liked.  It was interesting to see  the rooms I've seen on tv. I really liked the carriage, it looked very Cindarella-like.  And to see the kitchen things and the Queen's hats and dresses.  And the banquet room was really pretty too. My favorite part of it all was the gardens behind the palace.  The sun decided to duck behind the clouds as we were having our picnic, so out came the jacket! 

The gardens at Buckingham Palace.

Just hanging out on the Queen's lawn. 

A pond behind the palace. 

Imogen was enjoying running along the path and tripped up and hurt her little leg.  First aid came along and patched her up.  What is it with me and meeting first aid at palaces?  Note to anyone visiting a palace around the world with me, there will be first aid involved. 

Our English girls, have loved them from day one and was so happy to get to spend time with them!

It took a bit for her to warm to me, but eventually I got to hold hands with Imogen.

 After the palace tour, and our picnic in the garden we walked through the park beside the palace on our way to Piccadilly Circus.

It was about at this point I remembered I was doing a half marathon that evening and tried to conserve energy while walking.  We got the things we needed to get shopping, and then had an early dinner before heading back to the hotel to get ready for our big half marathon for Cancer Research UK. 

This is where I'll stop this post and start one for the walk on it's own.  It deserves it's own post because it was that full of wonderfulness. 

Away I go....

I'm sitting down to eat at before my flight.  My plan is to fill up on good food before getting on an airplane for 9 hours and not wanting to eat anything.

Max had therapy and school today, and of course I waited until today to pack.  I am not afraid of flying, but ugh do I ever get anxious leading up to a flight...especially for such a big trip as this is.

Steve did a good job of talking me down most of the day and when he said goodbye to me at security I couldn't turn around for fear that a day full of pent up emotion would come spilling out of my eyes.

I think the part that has me so anxious is this is the first solo trip I have ever made.  Like in my whoooole life.  I've always traveled with someone, or met up halfway with someone, or had a friend or family member meeting me at the receiving end.  This time it's just me.  

Now I'm people watching.  Mostly the baggage handlers out the window as the sun sets over Denver.  The next time I serve sunlight will be in London.

I finished eating and am now waiting to board my flight.  Steve posted this photo of me heading to security on his Facebook. I'm braver than I think I am. Away I go....

Finished...

Since I wrote the last post, I've been working on my crochet project every evening.  I got a good deal done about a week ago...only to find I was about five stitches short towards the middle and ended up unraveling it.

This left a huge mess of yarn I had to ball back up, much to my frustration.  It took me all afternoon, but once I was back at the start I went slower and made better progress going forward.

 I still don't know how she got her stitches looser than mine were.  I'll keep practicing that tension on my next project.

Tonight, I finished it!  But what was it?

I love the little ribbon marking where Momma stopped the project and I picked it up. 

I got out Grandma's button jar for inspiration.  It always brings me creative inspiration.  Look at all those lovely jewels.  I love buttons. 

Yes....a few buttons is what it needed.  Along with the teal yarn I used to make my long single chain while Momma was in hospice. 

 And this is what I ended up with....Taaaaa-Daaaaaaaaa!

Here's how it works out.  Don't mind my "concentrating faces", Abbey helped me with the pictures and I didn't have a mirror in front of me.

I liked making it.  I thought of Momma so often through the whole project.  I would talk out loud to her..."What am I doing wrong here?"...and yes, I would hear her answer.  Sure it wasn't actually her, but how I thought she would answer me.  Either way it was comforting to be doing this project. 

It's a heavy and warm scarf-thing.  And will work out perfectly for our cold days coming up.  I know this, she would not have made it into this as a final project.  She would have loved it, but it wouldn't have been where she went with it.  And I love that about it, a little of me, and a little of her. 

Holding on too tight...

Momma left many unfinished crafty projects in her house when she passed away in August.

There were only a few unfinished crochet projects.  She tried all through my childhood to teach me how to do it right..."you're holding the slack too tight"..."just one loop, not two"...and it just never clicked with me.  So as she would make her countless projects over my life I would sit beside her and make one long chain with my hook and yarn.  She could spin out blankets, and doilies and hats and scarves, and I would sit with my long chain 'crocheting with momma'.  I would let it all out and start again with her next project.

Before she lost the use of her right hand, she was working on a blanket for me.  She was still in Oklahoma, and would show me her progress over video chat.  I bought a beautiful teal yarn and started my long chain and would show her along the way.

"You're still holding the yarn too tight, I'll show you when I get there."

Life was full of just being together when she got here.  I wanted to visit with her, and make her all of her favorite foods and hold her hand.  I didn't bring out the crochet until she needed to go to the hospice center the first time.  That was two weeks before she passed away.

The nurses would come in and ask me what I was working on and I would say, "I'm just making a chain.  I never learned how to connect it."  And Momma would open her eyes and say, "I'll show you how."

In the weeks that followed, I would sit by her bed and continue my chain.  She never did show me how to start another row.  And the chain sits unfinished...or finished...I haven't decided yet.

When we went to clear out the last of her things from her house, I came home with the yarn and needles and hooks.  Since she taught Abbey how to knit and that was something they shared together, Abbey got those projects.  But the few projects that are crochet are mine.

This evening I sat down with a few rows she had started and studied it.  I tied a ribbon - a bookmark from one of her books - to mark where she ended and where I would start.  This way if I had to let it out I wouldn't let out what she had done.

George sat close as I started.  

The first row was messy, but I soon got the idea.  Down, loop, through one, through two.  And as I started to make progress I thought of her and of course missed her telling me if I was doing it right, or wrong. 

I don't know what she had in mind for it, but I'm thinking some kind of scarf.  Or it will be the world's skinniest blanket.  

I tried a few times and had to let it out a few times, but I think I may be getting the hang of it.  It is not going to look as perfect as she could have done it, but I will finish it.  And whatever it becomes, I will treasure it.