It's a wild ride...

I wouldn't say I was a terribly independent child, but as an adult, I would say I've been very independent. I moved out when I was 18, and jumped into the big wide world with both feet. I've not had to do a lot of asking for help, but I am getting to a point in life with Max that I am going to have to have help. And that's not coming too easily to me. It's hard to ask, and it's hard to receive, and it's hard to find.

The first step is going to be taking better care of myself. I got the name of a chiropractor from one of Max's therapists because my back has been aching this week from all the moving. I know I need to find a better way of taking care of it, so I want to get it checked out, and some advice from therapists on the best way to move him and pick him up.

Next is getting help with Max. Therapy at home, equipment to make it easier. This takes time, and phone calls, and letters to insurance and medicaid and equipment providers. Sometimes I think the reason I've not asked for all of these things up to this point is because it is an enormous pain. Incredible effort for things that would just give us a somewhat normal life. But, now we have to, so I will suck it up and get up tomorrow and start again.

And, I've been trying to work on the emotional side of it all too. I don't like talking emotions. They're mine, and I don't like to share. I'm a big blubbering cry baby when I have to talk it out, so I tend to just keep it in. And think...and think and think. But I have been trying to talk it out more lately. And it can get embarrassing to cry in front of people, or let people get a peek inside of my head, but it is just as important. I've been reading a book these past couple of weeks called
Changed By A Child, Companion Notes for Parents Of A child With A Disability. It's helped a lot on this emotional ride I've been on these past couple of weeks. This is a hard road to travel, and sometimes it's nice to read others have gone there before me. If you ever see it in a bookstore, pick it up and read a few of the short stories. Even though I've not gone through what all of the stories reflect, I can certainly understand where they're coming from.

I guess that's all that has been floating around in my head lately. I still don't have any more answers to the questions that are cycling around my life, but I'm trying to be okay with that, and just live the best today I can. Tomorrow, that will mean trying to get Max to stand up, if even for a few minutes. This may take about an hour to make happen, but he has to get back into the strength building since being sick. And it also means trying to get a hold of the respite people to see about getting that worked out. And most importantly, it means to just enjoy him. Because he really is such a fun kid to be around!

Here are a few pictures from our past several days.

He loves his Christmas tree, especially at night. But he always wants me to turn on the lights during the day. He was sitting here playfully kicking at the tree, until I told him to stop!


So he got under it.


This was after a diaper change. I had to change his clothes, and when I came back down to put them on him, he had grabbed his dragon cover and rolled on over to rest. He laid there for about an hour before he would let me put his clothes on and pick him up off of the floor! (He's peeking at me here because he was waking up...notice Olive too...what a chair hog!)


Speaking of Olive...she hates the bitter cold! When we get up and go into Max's bedroom in the morning I open his blinds and this is where she lays, right in the sunshine, until we go downstairs!


And, finally, these aren't great quality, but I thought they were fun captures. Max and I were sitting on the couch this evening and I was making raspberry noises, and he was cracking up.


We both thought it was HILARIOUS!